Citrus Fruit and Rain

I’m hooked on the monthly kukai contests I regularly participate in. I like the idea of 100+ people (Shiki Kukai) anonymously reading my haiku and voting and sometimes commenting on it. It gives interesting feedback, especially when the vote doesn’t precisely reflect my “valuation” of my haiku.That always leaves me to wonder what others see, or don’t see in my haiku.

My two haiku this month were both written from direct experience: the citrus one from a visit to my mother-in-law in Arizona for her 90th birthday this August. She was giving me a tour of her back yard. It was early evening, and still the temperature was above 100 degrees. Her grapefruit tree was loaded with green grapefruits, and she was anticipating their ripening. I noticed unusual (for me) cloud formations in the sky and asked about them. They were monsoon clouds, she told me. I thought about waiting. Waiting for the grapefruits to ripen, waiting for the rain to fall, waiting for the temperatures to cool off… and wrote the haiku. This haiku received 11 pts.  I wonder though– how much of what I put in it came across? What do others see when they read my words? That, I guess, is the beauty and the mystery of haiku…

green grapefruits…
monsoon clouds
hang heavy

The second was also written in August. I woke in the morning, to light sprinkles of rain outside my open window. I always hear the robins in the morning, and this particular morning, the robin song diminished, as it flew from the maple right beneath my window, to the Oregon ash in the back of the property, and finally dwindled away, as it moved into the adjacent green space. I liked the word “dampened”, referring to both the rain, and the dampening of the oscillations that produced the robin’s song. This haiku received 6 points. But I liked it better than the first. It was a more everyday occurrence for me, while I felt the citrus haiku was more pensive, and somewhat melancholy. Go figure!

first raindrops…
the robin’s song
dampened

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Citrus Fruit and Rain

  1. I do not put too much stock in what others think of what I write. I enjoyed both of your haiku. There seems to be much-a-do-about-haiku and different schools of thought. I wrote this for a very green photo taken by Kellie Elmore… all I ask is this; enjoy.

    enchantingly green
    the sky says that Oz is near
    keep the book open
    (c)2011 JP/davh

    (c)2011 JP/davh

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s