sundown

August 8 NaHaiWriMo- the prompt is “spider”, provided by Sheila Windsor. My haiku:

ORIGINAL VERSION:

sundown
imagining a spider
in every shadow

VERSION II: (proposed by Susan Murata)

sundown
a spider
in every shadow

VERSION III: (proposed by Freddy Ben-Arroyo)

sundown
in every shadow
a spider

VERSION IV: (rewrite, by me)
sundown
a spider lurks
in every shadow

 

Very curious which of the four versions works for people.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “sundown

  1. tough choice. Though I like the use of the word lurks, your original is still my favorite. There isn’t really a spider in every corner (as many of the others suggest) and the first one paints more of a picture for me. I see my daughter when she was little. She was so afraid to walk through the house at night for fear of a spider.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s