morning fog

2012 November PAD Chapbook Challenge- Day 9

Today’s prompt is to use the phrase “when he’s gone” somewhere in our poem, and the guest prompter was Sally Jadlow. This is my first pass:

morning fog
outside my window…
when he’s gone

I am such a rule follower, I felt like I had to at least try to write exactly to the prompt on my first pass. However, in context, “when he’s gone” sounds somewhat awkward to me. So round #2:

morning fog
outside my window…
after he’s gone

Then I began to wonder if perhaps the 3rd line shouldn’t be moved to the top, as in:

after he’s gone…
morning fog
outside my window

Thoughts, anyone? “Morning fog” is an autumn kigo.  More poetic responses can be read on the Poetic Asides blog.

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2 thoughts on “morning fog

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